Welcome to For This Reason Marriage Ministries:

We are Pastors Fred & Norma Aguilar and we are so excited to have you be a part of this powerful marriage ministry!  We have made it our mission to help couples to stay in love forever and revive their marriages.  We provide Spirit-filled, Messiah-centered training and counseling "couple to couple" in the home.....where the Father intended His presence to abide as the foundation of our marriages. The scripture is clear "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Gen 2:24

WELCOME TO THE WEEKLY MESSAGE "STANDING ON YAH's WORD" - 05/22/2019

Hallelu-Yah & Blessings Upon You

Ps68:4 - Sing to Elohim, sing praises to His Name. By His Name Yah!

Pastors
Fred & Norma Aguilar

Are You a Desperate Nice Wife?
 
True or False: 1. My husband tells me that I do too much for other people.
True or False: 2. I almost never spend any money on myself.
True or False: 3. I rarely feel better after my husband and I try to talk things out.
True or False: 4. If my husband does something that bothers me, it's just easier not to mention it.
True or False: 5. I suspect my husband doesn't respect me very much.
True or False: 6. I put a lot of energy into figuring out how to fix my husband.
True or False: 7. I'm so busy taking care of everyone else that there's never any time for me.
True or False: 8. If I'm irritated with my husband, I let him know by sighing loudly, withdrawing, giving him the silent treatment, or making snippy comments.
True or False: 9. I'm putting off going to see a medical or mental health professional about a personal concern. Or getting some Spiritual counseling.
True or False: 10. I get frustrated when my husband doesn't pick up on my subtle cues that indicate how I am feeling or what I want him to do for me.
True or False: 11. I think my husband is selfish for taking some time to go work out, engage in a hobby, etc.
True or False: 12. It really bugs me when I do something nice for my husband, and then he doesn't do what I want him to do in return.
True or False: 13. We argue frequently over petty stuff.
True or False: 14. Sometimes I wonder if my husband thinks I'm boring.
True or False: 15. Even though I didn't like doing it, I've looked at porn with my husband to make him happy.
 
If you marked "true" to five or more questions, you've let dangerous behaviors slip into your marriage that will gradually smother the life out of it, much like kudzu does to trees. Drive through parts of the southern U.S., and from a distance, the hillsides will look lush and green. Up close, you'll notice that an invasive leafy vine called kudzu has covered every tree, shrub, telephone pole, and hitchhiker for miles. During the Great Depression, the government supported widespread planting of kudzu to prevent soil erosion, not realizing that this non-native plant would spread like wildfire and block trees from getting sunlight. What the government thought would be helpful initially turned out to be harmful over the long run. The same process happens with the passive, people-pleasing behaviors of Christian Nice Wives. They think denying their own needs, stuffing their anger, and avoiding necessary conflict will help prevent erosion of their marriage, when these behaviors prevent marriages from growing and becoming healthier.
How Nice Messes Up Matrimony...
Let's look first at the Christian Nice Wife behavior that may have kudzu-invaded your marriage: Ignoring your own valid needs. Often, a CNWife will disregard her own need for help, rest, exercise, fun, etc. because she focuses exclusively on meeting her husband's perceived needs. 
Her fear of conflict and rejection drives a CNWife to numb herself to her own legitimate needs so that she can overextend herself to do what she thinks will make her husband happy. 
Her spiritual training conspires against her as well, having subtly told her that having human wants and needs is somehow worldly, selfish, and even unchristian. Sadly, her choices often harm herself and sometimes even backfire and hurt her husband and family.
 
For example, a wife might refuse to get some exercise because leaving the kids in her husband's or a babysitter's care makes her feel guilty, or because her husband complains about watching the kids for even a couple of hours. 
 
Like all humans, she legitimately needs exercise, but she ignores these needs so that she doesn't have to work through her feelings of false guilt or confront her husband about his unreasonable complaints. 
 
“Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.” 2 Peter 1:2
It just seems easier to stay home. The end result? She neglects her physical and emotional health, she becomes increasingly dour and burned out, and she stockpiles resentful feelings. 
 
Her husband misses out on opportunities to grow as a parent, deepen his relationship with his children, and bless his wife. Both husband and wife lose…and she was just trying to be nice.
 
Outwardly, a Christian Nice Wife's choice to deny her own needs can make her resemble a self-sacrificing, loving wife, but inwardly, what's really going on? 
Self-sacrificial acts that are motivated by true love always have the other person's best interest at heart (even if those loving acts might cause either person to experience some necessary pain). 
Self-sacrificial acts that are motivated by fear of conflict/rejection and desire for approval may look beautiful from a distance, but look closely, and you'll see that they are actually kudzu-covered "covert contracts."
 
“For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval.”
Romans 14:17-18
 
That's when a wife does something nice for her husband with the unspoken expectation that he will be just as nice in return. And then when he isn't, she gets angry that he didn't jump through her invisible hoop, and punishes him by sulking, making snippy comments, or giving him the cold shoulder. 
Covert contracts are manipulative, and they confuse and anger spouses. Most importantly, they are not what Jesus expects from his followers.
 
Christian Nice Wives change the Golden Rule—"Do unto others as you would have done unto you"—into the Pyrite Rule—"Do unto others so that they will do the same unto you." It's a subtle difference that Jesus explains in Luke 6:31-33: Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even "sinners" love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even "sinners" do that.
 
The 360-degree Jesus sets the bar high for believers. Treat other people the way you would like to be treated—with authentic, loving goodness—because that's what pleases God, not because doing so will guarantee niceness from others in return.
 
“Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.” 
2 Corinthians 13:11
 
Jesus doesn't guarantee reciprocated kindness from your husband or anyone else, including children. He also doesn't want you to be a silent, anxious doormat for your husband or children to wipe disrespect and unkindness on. 
Both husbands and wives sometimes need to make sacrifices for the good of their marriage, but your love for Jesus, not your fear of disappointing or angering your husband, should motivate any acts of self-sacrifice.
 
It's also important to be clear that God is the one who is prompting your self-sacrifices. If you're ignoring your own basic needs for any other reason, you are going to eventually resent your husband, particularly when he meets his own legitimate needs. Case in point: Both you and your husband need a nap. He chooses to take a nap while you choose to clean the house, as task that could wait. He wakes up an hour later, refreshed and willing to vacuum, but by then you're so mad you could spit. You chose to disregard your own valid need for rest, and now you deeply resent that he chose to meet his need for rest instead of ignoring his own needs like you did.
 
Speaking of resentment, let's move on to the other Christian Nice Wife behaviors that can do a kudzu-creep into your marriage: stuffing anger and avoiding necessary conflict. 
 
CNWives are uncomfortable with their own anger. From the Nice Girl culture, and perhaps from their church and their upbringing, they have learned that expressing anger in relationships is a no-no. And yet, they do get angry and want the situations that prompted their anger to be addressed. So what do they do?
 
Well, many times, a Christian Nice Wife expects her husband to be a mind reader who can magically figure out what she's angry about without her having to directly explain it. 
Yes, she may express frustration by slamming the kitchen cabinet doors, but if he asks her, "Honey, what's wrong?" he's likely to hear "Nothing!" God didn't give men highly intuitive brains—he gave that type of brain to women, so you are asking your husband to do something extremely difficult if you expect him to notice and intuitively figure out what you or anyone else is feeling.
 
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13
 
For example, have you ever gone to a party and been disturbed by the underlying tension between another married couple? Then, when you get back in the car, you say to your husband, "Whew, things are tense between those two!" And he replies, "What? I didn't notice anything." He's mystified, and you can't believe he would miss something so obvious.
 
That's just how the typical male brain works, which means you will be continually disappointed if you expect your husband to intuitively read your mind so that you don't have to own your own feelings. A Christian Nice Wife often wants to avoid the discomfort of owning up to her anger and her needs and wants. After all, the Nice Girl culture, outside and inside the church, pressures her to bury her anger and needs so that she will be deemed a perfectly Nice Wife. When assertively expressing your needs or your anger in a constructive manner is equated with being demanding, owning up to those needs or angry feelings can seem too costly; however, that's what God's Good Women do. They take a risk and speak the truth in love about what they want and need, and what makes them angry. Then, they listen (to the other person and to the Holy Spirit), negotiate, speak some more truth, listen again, and so on.
 
Taking the initial risk to assertively express themselves is particularly challenging for Christian Nice Wives who come from dysfunctional families or are abuse survivors. These painful experiences train women to believe that no one will meet their needs or respond to their anger, so why even say anything? Likewise, being married to a foolish or abusive man can make owning and expressing your emotions feel like wasted effort. If these are your experiences, please go talk to a trusted mentor or a Good Christian counselor who will encourage your efforts to own and express your needs and feelings.
 “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7

 

Jesus-Yahushua loves you so much!

 

Please if you would like more information on how to join us for prayer on the phone line, email or call and I will provide you with what you will need to join us!

 

All gifts to For This Reason Marriage Ministries are tax deductible:
 
Will you prayerfully consider supporting For This Reason Marriage Ministries with a year-end contribution in response to the blessing we have been in your life? No gift is too small. The Lord can use the $5 gift as much as He uses the $1000 gift.   
 
Your gift must be postmarked by December 31, 2018 to be credited in calendar year 2018 for tax purposes.   

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We are here to help and offer phone/ Skype counseling. Just visit the Contact Us link on our website. If we can help, please call us at (817) 605-8133 or email us to request more information on our marriage seminars, retreats that help save and build marriages.

For This Reason Marriage Ministries

P.O. Box 742

Colleyville, TX 76034

Thank you and the Lord bless you for your prayers, love and gifts of support.

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There is still a group of us gathering Monday thru Saturday for one hour of prayer at 6 am, you can join us by phone if you are interested in joining us please Contact Us so I can give you more information! Remember that is 6:00 am CST.

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For This Reason Marriage Ministries has helped countless thousands of married couples by ministering Jesus' reconciling power to the separated, the divorced, the unsaved, broken families and couples that are hurting. The proof of our ministry is in the countless married couples lives we have had the privilege to help and the husbands and wives standing for their marriage today despite their friends, family and even brothers and sisters in the Lord telling them to divorce. Divorce is not the answer and we teach couples how to reconcile, stand and believe that nothing is too great for our GOD and how to be "In Love Forever".

The biblical concept of marriage is that marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman to live together in mutual love and respect for the glory of God, until death do them part.  Marriage is not about us, so it is not about me.  It is about God and His kingdom.  God ordained marriage as the foundational unit of society and everything is built on marriage.  Marriage, done God's way, creates the safest and best environment in which to rear children and covenant principles of marriage are based on steadfast love - looking out for the interest of each other.  They are about seeking to encourage and support each other, throughout life not just when you feel like being in the covenant, because you are "in the covenant" whether you feel like it or not and so we teach to please the Lord with your love, care and commitment to Him and to your spouse.

Thank you for visiting inloveforever.org. It is our sincere desire to bring hope to your marriage situation regardless the circumstances! Below you will find a powerful weekly teaching on covenant marriage done Gods way.

Take a minute to read testimony of couples just like you ........

 

 

 

 

 

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